Dan Hellman's Blog

I woke heavy with fatigue, my body thick with lethargy. After the usual saline solution, magnesium, and potassium, I shuffled to the nurse for my morning vitals: blood pressure 98/62, heart rate 55, weight 166.6. She scheduled my enema for 11:30.

Back in my room I dipped a test strip into my urine—ketones: ++. Nothing alarming, I thought. My beloved coffee shop was closed, and to my surprise I felt relieved; I had no energy for the four-mile walk anyway. I settled for the clinic’s “coffee,” more black water than brew, and sat on the terrace as the morning unfolded—light slow and forgiving.

Before the scheduled enema I wandered to Anteres, the quiet building with its lily-studded pond and luminous art studio.

Ketone Overload

Even that short stroll felt like a climb. I headed back to my room for the enema.  When the nurse arrived, I confessed how drained I was. She retook my vitals—blood pressure and sugar fine—but my ketones had spiked to 3.0.
“This is why you feel so awful,” she said gently. “Everyone reacts differently. You’re a bit too high.”
She brought yogurt with honey and another cup of thin coffee. I have to admit the yogurt and honey tasted fantastic and it really satisfied my starving body.

Then she asked a simple question: “Have you been under stress lately?”

The tears came before words. I told her about my loss four months ago. She spoke quietly: fasting doesn’t just heal the body; it peels back layers of emotion—stress, anger, grief—until the raw core shows.

Her words echoed last night’s osteopathic session. The practitioner never cracked or twisted anything. Instead, he used subtle muscle-energy techniques with touches of Chinese and Japanese practice. His first focus was my jaw. “Do you clench or grind at night?” he asked. I denied it; he only smiled. Then he turned to my liver and spent a great time treating it and the involved meridian.
“You’ve been carrying deep stress,” he said. “Your liver is holding grief and anger.”
He suggested a course of acupuncture when I return home. I will follow his advice.

Fasting, Stress, and Grief

The nurse explained that many who come to the Buchinger Clinic carry loss, betrayal, or long-simmering anger. Fasting, she said, doesn’t merely cleanse—it draws hidden emotions to the surface, demanding to be felt.

Over these days my senses have sharpened. Smell is almost electric. Flavors I’d never noticed now bloom on my tongue. I can feel the energy of a room. My ability to sit in silence, fully present, is unlike anything I’ve known. And my emotions—unbridled.

Today I wept again and again: for the loss of my love Joe, for the betrayal of someone I thought had my back, even for the sheer beauty of flowers in the garden.

Now I understand why so many faiths prescribe fasting: it draws us close to the divine. In a world of relentless stimulation, our senses grow dull, like windows filmed with grime. Busyness—even the “good” kind—separates us from the world our senses were made to embrace.

Today, fasting has flung those windows open. The good, the true, the beautiful stand vivid and near.
This is, without question, the greatest gift I have ever given myself.

After Lunch

Following half the soup and half the gazpacho — I settled into my room with Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life by James Hollis, PhD. Plenty of passages leapt out at me today, but I’ll leave you with one that landed hard: “As scary as living can be, stop and think how you will feel if, on your deathbed, you look back on your life and conclude that you never really showed up because you were afraid. Isn’t that grim prospect more frightening than facing the fear itself, upfront, now?” It felt like a small shove toward courage.

Gym Time

The yogurt, honey and lunch brought back much-needed energy, so—because I’m terrified of losing muscle—I went to the gym for a weight training session. The doctors, nurses and nutritionists all say I won’t build muscle while fasting (no protein), but I can maintain what I have if I keep lifting. I just have to be careful not to overdo it; I’m only taking in about 250 calories a day.

Pool Time

After the gym I headed to the pool to read and soak up a little more sun. The pool is huge and the water is perfectly tempered—just cool enough to refresh the body after taking in the vitamin D.

Evening Hours

It’s after 6 p.m. now, and I’m thinking of wandering over to the art studio to see what surfaces. Dinner “rations” come around 8 p.m., and I believe there’ll be a guitarist and singer tonight. The clinic always arranges evening entertainment; it’s one of those small, human touches that makes this place feel world-class.

I also want to thank the medical staff — they’re so knowledgeable and kind. There’s no way I could do this without them. As of right now I’m scheduled to end the fast on Tuesday. To be honest… I’m ready.

Here’s today’s photo. Wishing everyone a great day.