Dan Hellman's Blog

Today I Begin A Different Kind of Fast — A Reset, Not a Diet

Today I begin my fasting experience at the famous Buchinger Clinic in Marbella, Spain. This isn’t about losing weight — it’s about a total reset: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. After the last several months, I needed space to breathe, to feel, and to begin to rebuild.

On May 22nd I lost the love of my life. Grief has been nothing short of brutal. It’s a strange, complicated thing — unique for each person and stretched across its own unpredictable timeline. For me, grief arrived as more than sorrow: I lost my rock, my best friend, my greatest cheerleader, someone who helped shape the man I am today. I am also deeply grateful that I had the chance to know that kind of unconditional love. I know many people never get to experience the love we shared. I count myself fortunate, even while my heart breaks.

The heartbreak didn’t stop there. Around the same time I lost another relationship — someone I thought would be there, someone who would help carry the weight and stand beside me through the next chapter in my life. Instead, I learned an old truth anew: a zebra cannot change its stripes. I learned, once again, that we teach people how to treat us and I take responsibility for my contribution.  Betrayal is a completely different type of pain and loss. I can wrap my head around death, no one escapes it, but betrayal, I struggle understanding.  Those lessons cut deep, especially when they arrive on the heels of enormous loss. In an instant, I felt as if I had no legs to stand on and panic attacks literally felt like heart attacks.  It was an extremely scary time.  

Through all of it I’ve been held — by friends, by family, and by an amazing therapist. Their presence, patience, and steady hands have been the small, daily lifelines that kept me moving forward when moving felt impossible. For that I am thankful to those who show me empathy and compassion.

So why a fasting clinic? For me, fasting is a way to clear space. It’s a permission slip to slow down and notice what’s left when the noise of daily life is stripped away. It’s not a cure, and it’s not a shortcut, but it’s a committed practice: rest for the body, time to process for the mind, and silence for the heart to start whispering again. In the quiet of Marbella’s light and Mediterranean air, I hope to reconnect with a center that feels steady and true.

Grief has taught me hard lessons about love and about boundaries, about tenderness and about self-respect. It’s shown me how resilient I can be and how much support matters. It has also taught me that there isn’t a single “right” way to move forward — only the next wise step you can take.  The betrayal taught me what I don’t want in life and I honor this person for the life lessons. 

So today I put one foot in front of the other. It’s onwards and upwards, because what other option is there? I’ll be gentle with myself. I’ll keep showing up to the work of healing. I’ll keep leaning on the people who show up for me in real ways.

If anything, this is a note to myself — and to anyone reading who’s lost someone, or who’s been let down by someone they trusted — that grief and disappointment do not have to be the end of your story. They can be the beginning of a reset, deliberate and brave.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out, listened, or simply sat in silence with me. I carry that kindness with me to Marbella and back into the days that follow.

With gratitude for another day of life on this amazing earth.

— Dan